Recently, I wrote a letter to a dear friend of mine in Memphis. I took pen to paper and scribed what has been on my mind, what I have been slowly sharing. The letter was more lethargic for me than anything, and I realized that I have let part of my expressive outlet lay dormant. How I miss the scratching of a pen on parchment.

How do I describe this year, these seasons of change. I have allowed the currents to flow me too recklessly, too haphazardly. I do not believe I am going in the wrong direction, but I have not been my own master in guiding my course. Change is good? It's inevitable. Wow, my writing flow is rusty right now.

I miss what I know. I miss the familiar. Yet, I know I am afraid of it. It has been the strangest of dichotomies, but I know we live a life of a coin, each drop having the potential to reveal both faces. I understand it. I understand the normality of it. We are animal and primal. We will not have that erased from us. Yet how can we accept it, locking an inner beast in, or unleashing the vibrancy of its terror.

Maybe wondering about "what if's" isn't contained in the turmotulous years of specific life stages. What if I stayed home, what if I studied something different. What if I was more able to just stay content in all the lucky things I have, be less greedy, search for less, risked less.

Well, I know I wouldn't be happy if I did. I am no less.
First post of 2012. Welcome.

Strength

showing strength

knowing you can endure
having a gallant spirit
feeling an unshakable resolve
taking heart despite setbacks
having stamina
being a rock

being patient

dealing calmly with frustration
accepting others
taking time
maintaining composure
refusing to get angry
showing forbearance

being compassionate

giving others lots of space
tolerating
understanding what others are feeling
accepting
forgiving imperfection
being kind

achieving soft control

persuading
working with
guiding indirectly
being able to influence
tempering force with benevolence
demonstrating the strength of love

As twenty eleven enters its last act

It's beautiful the way things can manifest and morph so easily and so quickly in a short amount of time, yet feel like that moment has always been there. I am realizing that I have learned so much in this past year, and more humbled by the fact that I don't really know anything at all truly.

City Studies

Yes, I am in grad school. It's still kind of a trip that I am here, back in school, but with a whole new appreciation for it. The boundless opportunities I found at UC Irvine and didn't give a full jab at, now, seems like just practice. So much feels magnified, but maybe it's just the grad school curriculum, learning twice as much in half the time as undergrad. The act of meeting new people and making connections seems more purposeful this time around, and the jump start into getting involved on campus and mentoring under faculty is refreshing. I missed school. Work was great, but school is fantastic. I miss being surrounded by learning and breathing in education. The discussions in class I look forward to, and I'm much more cautious of the work I put out.

Nerding out? Yes, but I have no regrets doing so. Two years is not a lot of time to wonder. You barely have enough time to act.



I made a new site called City Studies to document my time through grad school in urban planning. Check out the site here and LIKE it on Facebook.